Monday, December 20, 2010

Always a Bridesmaid....



Sometimes we agree to do things without really thinking it through. Often said thing we've agreed to turns out to be an overwhelming burden that days are spent trying to wriggle out of. And then sometimes said thing is hysterically awesome. Fortunately, when I agreed to be in a woman I have never met’s  royal Bugis wedding a month ago, and then promptly forgot about it, then promptly remembered again the week the wedding was upon me, things veered toward the hysterically awesome.
After fighting my way through a monsoon I finally washed up on the front steps of Lydia, the bride’s, family home. I entered to find Lydia swimming in yards of jewel encrusted fabric while solemnly sitting in a bedazzled box as the Koran was read in front of her. I consider myself something of an Indonesian wedding expert, considering I went to two wedding parties in one night about a month ago. Due to my copious knowledge, I figured the rest of ceremony part1 would be just a solemn. Indonesians aren’t really itching to break into the electric slide and lets face it, their weddings are boozeless.
Anyways, one can imagine my surprise when I stepped back into the house to find Lydia posing for wedding photos on her white satin flower wreathed bed. This was almost too much hilarity to handle, as the photographer crawled around the bed with her to find the right poses. Continue to imagine my surprise as Lydia invited me, and the 6 other foreigners invited, to pose with her…on her bed. So onto the white satin we piled. Yet never fear, as Lydia slyly joked that mattress could handle our weight because “ it was new for the wedding night”. I almost peed on the spot.

Wedding ceremony part 2 the following day proved to be just as fruitful. Day 2 is when the groom arrives, has to step on a series of symbolic objects, reads from the Koran and then touches his bride for the first time. Because this was a “royal” wedding the groom arrived with an entourage Sean P.Dizzle Combs would have envied. Complete with slaves, symbolic slaves, but slaves nonetheless. Since Lydia had yet to lay eyes on her new groom, she asked up to text her “thumbs up” or “thumbs down” when we got a peek. Day 2 part 2 , “ the party” went off without a hitch. Like I mentioned earlier, Indonesian wedding parties aren’t exactly raucous, but much delicious food was eaten, a little karaoke was sung and many many pictures were taken.

Friday, December 17, 2010

First World Third World Fridays

First World Problem: Taxes got me this year so I don't think I can afford to fly to Bali this summer.

Third World Problem: I can't afford to leave Bali.

We can all agree that third world wins this week. Many thanks to the American government for making my recent trip to Bali possible. More on that and my wedding adventures tomorrow.

Selemat Fridays!!

Friday, December 10, 2010

First World Third World Fridays

Inspired by my recent adventures as a bridesmaid in a royal Bugis wedding.

First world problem: I really need to shed these last 5 pounds before the wedding...but juice diets are so taxing.

Third world problem: My wedding dress weighs 35 pounds. Literally.



Selemat Fridays!

I'm flying to Bali in a few hours so tales of my nuptial adventures will be postponed for about a week. Yet never fear a (possible) triple whammy will be coming your way shortly.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Thanksgiving and Such


Its been quite a few days since my last post (I’ve obliviously let go of all dreams about actually producing a page a day) and this is mostly due to the fact that I was too busy fulfilling my 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea fantasies over Thanksgiving and then becoming intimate friends with my toilet, post Thanksgiving.

How do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Indonesia?
With patience.
A lot of patience.
And rum.
And maybe a headlamp.
Patience, rum and a headlamp.

This holiday season eight friends and I decided to forgo the Thanksgiving extravaganzas taking place in Surabaya and on Lombok for a more intimate affair on the island of Bunaken. Bunaken is a tiny island off the northern coast of Sulawesi and it is widely considered one of the best diving and snorkeling spots in the world. So obviously this was a brilliant plan. This plan also allowed me to indulge in my most Indonesian/South Asian moment to date…eating  gado-gado I packed in a tupperware container, at the  departure gate,  with a METAL fork I brought through security in my purse. I physically basked in the approving looks I received from my fellow travelers. After the typical “ wait everyone is moving, did the gate change? SHIT the gate changed! Which gate is my flight leaving from?” Indonesian airport experience, I soon found myself jetting through the night to North Sulawesi.  At the Manado airport I was greeted by the raucous and somewhat inappropriate calls of my fellow Americans, and for the first time in a long time being an obnoxious public spectacle just felt so right.
After a not so brief pit-stop at my friend Polly’s adorable school, we were soon racing across the waves to Bunaken and the Oceanbreeze* resort. Now Oceanbreeze is a lovely (if mildly overpriced) little “resort” run by an Australian man named Terry. Terry is everything you would imagine an Australian who has been living Indonesia for 30 years and runs a dive resort would be like.
So  completely insane.
And possibly on all the drugs.
But an awesome guy, an awesome guy who decided to turn his hotel kitchen over to us for a night (and buy all the groceries) so that we would make the Thanksgiving meal of the century. Seeing as turkeys are a bit hard to come by on the island the menu consisted of roast chicken, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes (yes white people consider mashed potatoes an acceptable Thanksgiving dish.), candied yams, stuffing and apple crisp. I’ll keep this short and sweet by explaining the items indicated above as necessary for executing a proper Indonesian Thanksgiving:
1.)                   Patience: the oven in your kitchen probably won’t stay lit. Oh yea you’re lighting it with a taper like the Pilgrims did. Patience.
2.)                   Rum: Self-explanatory
3.)                   Headlamp: the lights at your resort will frequently go out. While you’re wielding large knives. Luckily the boys you travel with are always prepared and have brought their headlamps.

Everyone emerges unscathed.

After many hours and a few improvisations…a lovely meal was shared by all.
Now on to my regulation defying scuba dive. As a non-certified diver I am only supposed to go about 15 feet under the waves, for an average of 35 minutes per dive. Well my first dive was 20 meters and lasted about 75 minutes. You do the math.  I’ll admit I was heartily freaked out at the prospect of being underwater before the whole process began. What if whale ate me? What if I ran out of air? What if I was swept away by a current, never to be seen again? Well apparently I’m a Zen breather because I used less than half my tank. Which is impressive. Trust me. And I didn’t see any sharks. And as for the currents, well it turns out I was swept away in one. But my boss of a dive master was holding my hand the whole time (things got a little intimate under the sea) so I never felt overwhelmed. In fact I didn’t have to do anything but swim, and gasp in wonder every time I saw a HUGE sea turtle or cool fish (I wouldn’t recommend gasping with a mask and air tank on—not comfortable), and remember to breath and point at cool things. Obviously momma has an expensive new habit. I feel like I’ve gained some insight into the mental workings of coke addicts.

* Name changed in order to maintain privacy. And so PADI doesn’t shut them down

Monday, November 29, 2010

First World Third World Thanksgivings

This weeks 1st world/3rd world has arrived a bit late. This is mostly due to the fact that I
spent most of the Thanksgiving holiday fulfilling my 20,000 leagues under the sea fantasy. But more about that later. For now enjoy this little tidbit inspired by a story one of my professors at Columbia used to tell all the time about his time doing research in Java.


1st World Problem: I got to the farmer's market too late and now they are all out of organic free range turkeys. I guess i'll have to buy a generic organic turkey from the grocery store.


3rd World Problem: We consider turkeys pets so I guess we'll have to cook the dog.


Hope you had a happy Friday!

*the region in which I spent Thanksgiving does in fact eat dog meat. They call it Ar.

Friday, November 19, 2010

I'm sorry but are you old enough to drive?


         My colleagues at school have taken to calling me hitam manis or “black sweetness” as they translate it. Apparently this isn’t a term of endearment my cab driver came up with, but rather a widely acknowledged phrase. They also like to say things like “ you look like President Obama’s daughter!” followed by a chorus of cantik cantik “ beautiful beautiful”. I would find this incredibly offensive  (What, all black people look alike?! Why can’t I just be sweetness, why does it have to be black?!) if

A.)Being called beautiful, even when I’m dripping sweat and there are bags under my eyes, wasn’t an awesome ego boost
B.)They weren’t so sincere
C.) If the whole situation wasn’t so incredibly ridiculous

           In other news I’ve been riding the pedi-pedi a lot more than usual. Pedi-pedi are the Indonesian public transportation du-jour, and for some reason I’m trying to save money.  These little vehicles go all over the city only cost about 3,000 Rp.or about 3 cents per ride. Now imagine a mini-van for tiny people, with all of the seats taken out. Instead of seats they feature little benches that line three walls of the van. Since Makassar is a big fancy city, many of the pedi-pedi feature such gems as disco balls, black lights and giant subwoofers that blast all sorts of music at ear-piercing level. Looking for seatbelts and a functioning door? Sorry those have been removed for efficiencies’ sake.  

        Also I’m pretty sure the average age of the drivers are somewhere between 13 and 17. You think I’m kidding, but I’m completely serious. Also I’m pretty sure most of these adolescent drivers learned their craft by playing hours upon hours of Grand Theft Auto. I also can’t seem to figure out the routes to save my life. As a result, I often end up on the wrong pedi-pedi and a journey that should have taken 30 minutes will end up being an hour and 30 minutes. On the bright side I’m getting a chance to practice my Bahasa Indonesia and I’m becoming more exposed to the Indonesian hairstyle I have deemed the “pullet” or “partial mullet”. A pullet is about 80% business in the front and about 30% party in the back. Think of a rat tail, but thicker and longer. Many of the pedi-pedi drivers I have come in contact with sport this particular style and some sort of Jafar-esque facial hair. If they’re old enough to grow facial hair. I often think about the many ways I could die in this country. Morbid I know, but it makes me feel prepared. The pedi-pedi have moved to the top of the list followed by “hit by a car while walking”, “malaria”, “heat stroke” and “attacked by feral cats”. However, I’m earning mad respect from my security guards, and honestly that’s all that counts.  

Thursday, November 18, 2010

First World Third World Fridays

Without further delay, the return of timely first world third world Fridays.

First world problem: The waiting list for the dog therapist is 6 months long, but Princess Applethorpe really needs to start dealing with her issues now.

Third world problem: My new puppy bit my hand. She hasn't had her shots because there isn't a vet, so I have to wait 10 days. If she dies I probably have a disease.

*many thanks to Polly for sharing her experience. Coming soon, Brandon's first world third world problems.

Happy Fridays Y'all

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Jacking Off


So I realized that I haven’t really discussed the largest part of what I do here.

You can now gently remove your mind from the gutter…I’m talking about teaching.

I teach roughly 187 students, which is about 10 classes a week, conversational
English as an assistant to my teaching partner. At least that is what it says in my contract. In reality I teach them everything. I teach grammar, pronunciation, writing, American culture and public speaking…and I pretty much do it alone. Although my co-teacher is usually in the room, she is often swamped with administrative work since she speaks the best English at the school. As a result, she has taken my presence here as leave to do everything for the school BUT teach her classes. So all of the lesson planning, material purchasing and classroom management falls to me.

This, of course gives me a great deal of freedom concerning what I want to cover in class, which is awesome. I taught a pretty great lesson on Halloween a few weeks ago where we read together, watched movies, learned the “monster mash” dance, did vocabulary crosswords and trick-or-treated in class.  However it also means that when a group of young girls approach my desk and ask “ what does the American phrase ‘ to jack off’ mean?” …I have to figure out how to field a response on my own. I, assuming they would just Google it later, opted for the truth which then meant that I had to deal with 6 really embarrassed girls afterwards.  Or better yet, how do you respond when a 15 year old boy asks, “ Why do all Americans hate Muslims”?  At least I don’t have to deal with students being possessed by ghosts in class. And yes, this has happened in the classrooms of some of my friends.

Often, while in the process of teaching, I think to myself that I have absolutely NO idea what I’m doing. Which, of course I don’t. I didn’t major in education, I wasn’t trained in how to teach English as a second language and the 4 weeks of classes I sat through in Bandung hardly count as training.  And let’s be honest here, who really knows grammar? Who can actually quote rules and explain to 32 eager minds why certain pronouns are used one way and not another?
I don’t.
So now I’ve taken to studying my big book of grammar rules each day, so I can stop blatantly lying to my classes. Yet somehow, someway everyone walks out of my classroom, daily, unscathed and presumably a little smarter. And although I’m developing lines in my face that will have to be botoxed later and I probably sweat out half of  my body weight daily due to my schools distinct lack of air-conditioning…I’m teaching. Which is pretty cool.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

First World Third World....Saturdays...Again!

I really don't have an excuse this week for being late. I've just been lazy.
So without further ado...


First World Problem: The new iphone 4 has really terrible service. I can't ever make calls!

Third World Problem: I have to sell my cellphone to buy plane tickets for my parents so they can get off the volcano that is currently erupting.



Funny but true. This exact situation was shared by a friend. Please keep the people of Sumatra and Central Java in your thoughts

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Pictures Thus Far

So basically Flickr can't handle the volume of awesome photos I've taken so far, without making me pay to upload them. So for those of you who don't have facebook, or whom I've denied friendship because you're too old...here are links to the photos I've taken thus far.

Indonesia Thus Far
Indonesia 2: Domestic Life
Welcome to Gilly T
A Very Toraja Halloween

Enjoy!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

A Very Toraja Halloween



This weekend I traded 5 am calls to prayer for 5 am rooster wake-up calls. No I didn’t go native and adopt a rooster ( although upon my return I found out that someone in my little neighborhood did). Instead I hopped an early morning bus and took the eight-hour trip North into the mountains of Tana Toraja to visit my friend Judith for the Halloween weekend. As a former theatre major it probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise that Halloween is one of my favorite holidays.  While the thought of indulging in a True Blood marathon while inhaling coconut cookies wasn’t the worst Halloween weekend I could think of for the weekend, I figured what better time to visit Sulawesi’s capital of Christian/animism/magical practices?
Fittingly, I arrived in the town of Makale in total darkness. The sun sets here around 6 or so do due the whole equator thing, and there are pretty much no streetlights in Makale. None. Good thing I was forewarned to bring my flashlight. This little tidbit will eventually play a major role in causing one of the most terrifying 30 minutes in my life, but that comes a bit later.  Anyway, because of Makale’s anti-illumination policy, it wasn’t until the next morning that I realized Judith lives in a rice field, complete with random buffalo, chicken and pigs wandering around. But she has hot water, which is more than I can say for my fancy little home in the metropolis of Makassar.
Now’s a good time to explain that Toraja is a major tourist destination for buleh ( white people) and Indonesians alike. This  is due not only to the insane natural beauty of the region , replete with amazing hiking and white water rafting, but also because the Torajans know how to throw a funeral. Yes, going to funerals is an enjoyable past time here complete with livestock auctions, ritual animal sacrifices and some of the best pound cake I’ve ever had. Witnessing one of these spectacles has been a goal of mine since I arrived in Indonesia, but seeing as the funeral season begins to taper off in December, my chances were getting slim. Yet it seemed like the Halloween gods were smiling on me because after some snooping around we were informed that day 3 of a funeral ceremony was taking place on Saturday ( funerals can be almost 5 days long) but it wasn’t the “big” day so there wouldn’t be that many people or that much excitement.
Well it turns on a “little” day consists of the ritual sacrifice and dismemberment of 4 water buffalo over 75 attendees with a steady flow of arrivals throughout the day, and a live pig auction.  It should be noted that water buffalo are prized possessions and can cost more than a small car here. So for four to go under the knife at once indicates that the deceased was a pretty important person to the community. While Judith and I arrived a little late for the actual slitting of the throats, we did get to watch  as the carcasses were de-skinned and butchered into convenient take home meat bundles, while chatting with the family and eating coffee and cookies. It was definitely interesting to see how what I would consider a scene out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, was completely normal for everyone there.  I felt like I was at a Fourth of July bbq, except there were 4 really large dismembered animals laying around. Old men and women chatted with each other and played cards, babies were passed around and little boys ran around with the discarded hooves tied to strings like your typical family reunion picnic.
Judith and I had a full day planned and eventually it was time to move on to the cave graves at Londa.  There is a practice in Toraja of putting your dead in their coffins in these natural caves. It is considered a special honor, and the higher up your social class the higher up your coffin rests in the cliffs. Of course now, for a small fee, you can crawl through these caves and look and human skulls, femurs, coffins and the offering that families still leave to their dead. After Londa we took a high-speed ojek ride down the mountain to find some food. Ojeks are basically random men who will let you hop on the back of their motorbike for a fee. It’s pretty much one of my favorite things about Indonesia, it would definitely be better if helmets were included, but a little leap of faith goes a long way.
Continuing the weekend’s trend of brilliant strokes of luck, the restaurant that we ended up at  for lunch served pa’piong, a traditional dish of meat and vegetables cooked in a hallowed out piece of  bamboo for 2 hours. Because of the exorbitant cooking time, you have to order it a few hours in advance, so we placed our dinner order and make plans to go back that evening for traditional deliciousness and palm wine. Now Judith had confessed to me that she had never been out after dark. Taking into consideration that Toraja is a malaria region and ridiculously dark at night , I still thought this was a little odd.  Turns out Judith didn’t go far after dark for a reason.
 After 30 minutes on a public SUV, we arrived at Gazebo restaurant for our 7 pm dinner with two other ETAs. The pa’piong was delicious, the palm wine and stories flowed, and 3 hours later we were the last customers in the restaurant. Well as it turns out, the rumor that public transportation doesn’t exist in Toraja is completely true. So here we are, a tiny group of American kids standing in the pitch black on the side of the road in front of the restaurant, trying to hitchhike home. Well the proprietress of the restaurant was not down for this plan of action at all, and insisted on calling her friend who owns a suv to drive us home. It wasn’t until we were careening down rainy curvy mountain roads in total darkness at 87 kilometers per hour that we realized the  our driver and his assistant were the two guys knocking back palm wine with us at the restaurant. Needless to say, I was pretty sure I was going die that night, especially sense everyone insists on removing all seatbelts from vehicles, the better to fit more passengers.  However as shown by this post, I survived my Torajan Halloween and am now back to molding young minds.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Black Sugar


So basically my worst-case scenario has come true. No not the Noah style flooding of my house that many of you noticed me ranting about on Facebook. Surprisingly that is not my worst-case scenario.  However the fact that the teachers are starting to bring food for me at school, is.  Apparently they all think I’m too skinny/ living on the brink of starvation .So now they are bringing food for me to eat. At school. Why is this a problem you may ask? Everyone loves free food! No. Everyone loves free food when you have a choice to eat it or not.  In Indonesia it is rude to turn down any food you are given…it is even ruder not to finish ALL of said food. So when someone plops down a paper bag filled with bright pink rice and a soggy fried egg on my desk, I am forced to eat it as they sit across from me, watching every bite.

Don’t get me wrong; I definitely appreciate the kindness of the gesture. But as many people in my life know, I don’t hide my facial expressions really well.  It’s really my gift and my curse. So when I bite into a green rice jelly treat and find chunks of meat like substance inside…I have a difficult time hiding my gag reflex while fifteen people are staring me down, waiting for my smile of delight. Let me add that I am NOT a picky eater. I was not one of those children who grew up in a home where I got to declare at age three that I would not eat anything orange.  This, of course, has bred a particularly adventurous palette. I mean, I really like Coto (the cow intestine soup that everyone brings all the time), but I really do have to put my foot down at the jellies. And the inappropriate use of mayonnaise as salad dressing. Yes, mayonnaise.

In other news I’m basically running a hostel for the ETA’s of South Sulawesi. While this would usually cramp my hermit-ish style, it’s been nice to have people to trade horror stories with and indulge in really American things like McDonald’s.  It also helps when my cab driver decides to go on a rant about how “black is beautiful” and the fact that I look like “black sugar”. While this would have been decidedly off putting and probably the opening scene to a Kidnapped Abroad episode, having two other buleh cracking up in the back seat really decreased the creepy quotient.

Also I, and many of my fellow ETA’s in South Sulawesi, have been asked to be a part of someone’s royal Bugis wedding in December. Apparently this requires me to wear three different traditional Bugis costumes. So look forward to updates and most likely hysterical pictures in the near future.

Friday, October 22, 2010

First World Third World....Saturdays!

Hello all,

 Sorry I'm a bit behind this week ( it's Saturday in Indonesia), but I've been quite busy planning the most epic Halloween lesson ever.

This First World/ Third World  problem this week is brought to you by my dear friend Julie Appel. She's  currently toughing it out in the jungle that is the NYC restaurant business.

First World Problem: the new ipod nano is nice because it's small, but it only fits 3 songs on the touch screen at a time, so scrolling through playlists is such a bother! i really have to start keeping it as my secondary ipod, and use my 32 gb touch as my primary one."

Third World Problem: my one source of music making, my small bongo drum, was taken by the rebels during last week's raid.  


Happy Saturdays!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

First World Third World Fridays

First World Problem: All the cottages at Martha's Vineyard have been booked for the summer, so it looks like no beach for us. Palm Springs anyone?


Third World Problem: My village is next to a gorgeous beach but I can't go because there are salt-water crocodiles.


Special thanks to Rachel  for sharing her Kalimantan experience

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Hedonist Center of Indonesia

I Recently I went on a little jaunt around Indonesia with my friend Judith.  Both of our schools were in mid-semester exams and according to our contracts we’re not qualified enough to administer those, which is true, so we were free to travel for the week.  Many lessons were learned on this jaunt. First, if I am breathing Makassar air, I can, in no way, avoid the fried mystery treats and mugs of tea I am forced to eat on a daily basis. Judith arrived on Sunday and we were to set off on our adventure Monday morning. I however needed to pop by my school and pick up some mail, which was basically walking into the lion’s den of fattening treats. Just so you know I asked my teaching counterpart/gal pal Tini blatantly one day if she was trying to fatten me up, and she replied with serious and deadly calm…yes.

But I digress.

So about an hour and a half later Judith and I finally emerge from my school and headed to the Makassar airport. Apparently it flooded the last time I was there, but I was lucky enough to catch a taxi to my new home before Moses was needed to part the seas. One thing this week has taught me is to trust no one when it comes to air travel. Once you pass the laughable security check, there is no information to be found. Rather you have to continuously trick people into giving you the right information, such as your gate and departure time, by asking incessantly. Sometimes it helps to don a minor disguise such as scarf or wide brimmed hat. However, it seemed as if only us Americans were concerned about such trifling matters, as the Indonesians traveling around us casually lounged about, munching fried treats.

After two planes, a taxi and a horse drawn cart we finally made it to our hotel in Lombok, where I got to sleep in a tree house bungalow. Needless to say I felt very one with nature as I gazed up at the stars while squatting over our non-western toilet in the open-air bathroom. The next morning we were off to find a public boat to ferry us to the Gili islands, which Lonely Plant deems the “ hedonist center of Indonesia”. Well, it’s no Ibiza, but the beaches were beautiful, the Europeans Speedo clad and I go to eat homemade pasta while sipping cocktails, so no complaints.

All to quickly it was over and back to my little home in Makassar. Come to find out another species of insect has taken up residence in my home along with the militant ants, mosquitoes, roaches, caterpillar type things and of course the geckos (which are obviously not insects but creaturey non the less). It’s sort of like a large ant with wings. However, the small ants have been attacking, killing, and dragging them up my walls. Which of course makes me rethink my position on mass killing the small ants, even after the bed invasion.

In other news, this loquacious blog is inspired by my evening viewing of “Julia &Julia”.  I’m now tempted to blog about cooking my way through “ 160 Nasi Goreng Recipes”, but I feel like that would really benefit no one.





*Nasi Goreng is fried rice, slightly crunchier and spicier than your local Chinese brand. It’s unfathomable that there are 160 ways to make it.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

First World Third World Vacations

                                 Due to my impending trip to a place that sort of looks like this
A Paige a Day will be suspended for about 12 or so days.
Happy Fridays!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

First World Third World Fridays

Inspired by my new home...

First World Problem: I just don't know what to do about this hard water problem. It's causing such an unsightly film on the new tiles.

Third World Problem: The water I bathe in smells like sewage.


Selemat Fridays!

First World Third World Fridays

Do You Know Obama?

Congratulations!

You will be deprived of my presence no more because I now, Insha'Allah, have Internet in my home. Let me just say that Indonesia in not a Mac friendly country. And while I have thoroughly enjoyed my recent conversion to the dark side, days like yesterday finding me desperately wishing I still had my Dell.  But after four hours, three malls and one minor tear-filled meltdown, I can now waste time on the Internet just like in the old days.
           
So I’ve been in Makassar for almost a week now, and I have to say that I definitely lucked out in the teaching counterpart/ school/ housing location department.  I arrived on a rain-filled Friday afternoon after a moderately terrifying flight on the non-U. S or EU approved Lion Air airline.  When we reached my new home, I was dubious of the fact that is still under some minor construction. But after a weekend of battling bugs and scrubbing all of my floors by hand, I have to say it’s the type of starter home a girl could love.  While I definitely deserve some credit for not spiraling down into a germaphobic coma, my home’s domestic aura is mostly due to two ladies… Ibu Kartini and Ibu Ifa.  I never imagined that shopping for furnishings for my first home would consist of me silently fondling things I liked and then two shrewd Indonesian ladies swooping into to bargain and purchase.  Indonesia is truly a hustler’s country, and the greatest lesson I’ve learned in the past few days is to always ask “ fixed price?”

          Another important lesson is the fact that giving away boxes of panty liners to your fellow female teachers as gifts, is a perfectly respectable and encouraged, post-vacation, teacher’s lounge activity. Also feel free to joke with all of the male teachers about the appearance of said large box of free feminine wares.  Another important lesson is that explaining the concept of African-American is an all but futile enterprise.  So if anyone happens to have a spare DVD set of “Roots” please feel free to send it my way.  Everyone is very confused by the fact that I am American and not white.  As a result a typical conversation usually goes something like…
a.)   Where are you from?
b.)  I’m from America.
c.)   Yes but where are your parents from?
d.)  They are from America.
e.)   No, but where are they from.
f.)    They are from America.
g.)   So why do you look Indian/ Papuan?
And so on.  Seeing as Obama and Opera are really my only two well-known examples, I have somehow perpetuated the lie that I am related to both and that I’m Indian.  I’ve decided to implement Black History month in February to try and rectify the situation.

* Insha’Allah is an Arabic phrase that means something like “God willing”. It’s pretty all-purpose here.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

First World Third World Fridays

Due to the fact that I have to leave the Sheraton Bandung at the crack of dawn tomorrow to catch a flight to my new home in Makassar, and I won't have internet ( or hot water apparently) in said new home... I've decided to post FWTWF a bit early.

First World Problem: While on vacation I tried this exotic new spa treatment called "Dr. Fish", but later I   read in the New York Times how it actually doesn't comply with U.S. health codes.

Third World Problem: I have no fish to eat because my river is being polluted by all of the blood diamond mines.

Happy Friday ( in about 3 hours depending on your time zone)!!!

    As my time in Bandung draws to a close, I'm beginning to get a bit nostalgic for the weeks I've spent exploring the city.  This creeping nostalgia has obviously infilitrated to the point where I'll even miss the sounds of screeching children frolicking in the Sheraton's pool. However only one little man has managed to capture my heart

This little bundle of asian baby goodness belongs to one of the awesome women running my program. If it wasn't going to put my stipend at risk. I would definitely get knocked up by an Indonesian man so I could maybe have a kid this cute.
Looking back on it, my time here has been overridden with incredibly cute children. Take this Angklung performance for example. Angklung is a musical instument made of out of two bamboo tubes attatched to a bamboo frame. It's basically the bamboo version of the Gamelan, and the Sundanese ( the main ethnic group of this part of Java) perfected it. There is  a school here in Bandung that specializes in Angklung, Wayang Golek and traditional dance, so when we were invited to a performance I was basically acting like a raver on a mix of E and speed. I was going to post  some footage of the children's Angklung orchestra, but my internet refuses to ever upload the videos. I was too giddy during the Wayang Golek performance , which is a type of wooden rod puppetry, to take any footage but it was pretty breathtaking. So here are some pictures instead.




In a few days I'll be settling into to my new and final home here in Indonesia. If my time in Makassar is a  tenth as good as this day was, I know the next 8 months are going to be alright.

Friday, September 10, 2010

First World Third World Fridays

First World Problem: My custom Vera Wang wedding gown is going to take two extra weeks because of the import tax.

Third World Problem: My mosquito net has to double as my wedding dress.


Selemat Idul Fitri Ya'll!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Learn to Squat

      Let me preface today's post by explaining the ways in which this blog's title are misleading. Some of you might have noticed that you are in fact not getting a paige a day. I'm actually averaging more like a paige every 3 to 4 days.  Frankly I feel that this is overkill, but I am currently gifted with the Sheraton Bandung's ridiculously fast and free internet, so i'm taking advantage while possible.  In about 11 days all of this might come to an end, because if I have to walk to an warnet ( internet cafe) during the rainy season, it might be more like a paige every week/week and a half.
     In other news, everyone around me is getting sick. Basically the ETAs are dropping like flies, we were down about 5 people today, lost to pooping or throwing up or both. I'm starting to feel like my days as a healthy person are numbered.
     Instead of my daily schedule of three hours of Bahasa Indonesia class and three hours of english teaching pedagogy, AMINEF shook things up by having us attend culture class. Needless to say no one was exciting at the prospect of being lectured to for 3 hours post-lunch. And then we met Ibu Irid, the most hysterical 64-year old Indonesian woman to grace this earth. Upon arriving she asked all of the ETAs to offer up what they like a dislike about Indonesia/Indonesians. Not surprisingly the list basically could have been titled " reasons Indonesia is not America" but I digress. Ibu Irid offered to bits of wisdom I would like to share today.
On how Indonesians  and Americans think about expressing their immediate impressions : Indonesians-" you're fat...it's cultural, not personal". Americans-" you look like a terrorist...it's cultural, not personal"
And most important of all:
" learn to squat. If there is any skill that is most important for your time in Indonesia it is to learn to squat".
Well said Ibu Irid, well said.

Coming soon, Idul Fitri, my ticking biological clock and fish pedicures.

* Ibu is Bahasa Indonesian for mother or Mrs.*

Friday, September 3, 2010

First World, Third World Fridays

In honor of the ever lovely Julie Appel, I have decided to initiate a little section entitled " First World Third World Fridays" based off the ever popular game " first world, third world problems". It is true that "third world" is no longer a PC term, but "first world, developing world problems" doesn't quite have the same ring. So without further adoo...

First World Problem: I really prefer the taste of Fiji but this restaurant only carries Dasani

Third World Problem:  My village doesn't have clean water and as a result I have cholera.

Happy Fridays!


* many thanks to Polly Furth for FWTW collaboration

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Chikungunya Fever


I finally got to visit my first Indonesian school and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Living in a resort with 40 other people, no matter how gorgeous that resort is, can get tiresome quickly. Being confronted with a school full of excited kids was just the soul soothing reminder I needed as to why I’m here in the first place. The ETAs were split into 5 groups, and my group went to visit an SMAN (public upper-secondary school) here in Bandung. We were met at the door by a little spitfire of a woman in a violet power suit and matching jilbab (the bahasa Indonesia word for hijab, or head scarf), who serves as the headmaster. The pride in her school practically radiated off this woman and every smiling teacher we met.  My purpose here, however, is not to perpetuate the myth that all Asian schools are populated by perfectly angelic diligent students. The kids yelled, texted, avoided doing some of their work, squirmed and asked questions. But that’s sort of the point. They weren’t much different from any 15-17 year olds you encounter. Spotting an iPod on one girl’s desk I asked her what type of music she was in to. Smiling she responded “ American hip-hop”, I asked who her favorite artists was and the answer was….Flo Rida!. Although I couldn’t suppress my internal cringe at this response, the whole day gave me a renewed sense of hope in the fact that I can actually maybe handle the situation I’ve gotten myself into.

On another note, one has not experienced a country that touts one of the largest concentrations of Muslims in the world until one has experienced that country during Ramadan.   The energy is absolutely nuts right now and it’s all contained and just pulsing under the surface. All I can think of to compare it to is Mardi Gras, which in my part of the country is a legitimate holiday. Although Ramadan lacks the drunken revelry and boobs, I still have that feeling I used to get when I was little and knew all of the weeks were leading up to the biggest  emotional explosion of the year. The daily calls to prayer are even different, longer and more emotional.  What was once the distant background music of the country is now currently un-ignorable in its magnitude.

In a completely non-related note, I have now experienced my second scared straight medical session. I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that I WILL get dengue, typhoid, parasites, rabies, chikungunya or/and malaria. At least the PowerPoint presentation explaining all of the reasons why I’m probably going to be on the toilet or have to receive medical evacuation to Singapore was accompanied by some pretty amazing clip art. Dr. V maintained a chipper sense of humor while effectively scaring me shitless (no pun intended). Apparently the island of Sulawesi is a high malaria region, yet there’s a possibility I’ll be fine since I’ll be living in a city on the coast. Needless to say, I’m foregoing the malaria meds; I’ll take 3 days of treatment over 9 months of pill-popping any day.

Wish me luck.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

A Once in a Lifetime Experience


      This week we moved to Bandung, which apparently is bahasa Indonesian for sweet sweet paradise. Although, to be honest, anything would feel like paradise after Jakarta’s smog and specter of death waiting at every crosswalk.  We arrived at the Sheraton Bandung to a chorus of Javanese dancers and a giant taj-mahalesque cake. Needless to say I cried a little at the realization that never again will I live so beautifully with my humanities degree and love of artistic non-materialistic men.  After spending the day swaning around the pool and partaking of the chocolate fountain  (yes, there is a chocolate fountain!!!?!) 
       I  decided too abandon all of my black woman sensibilities to go “trekking”. Let’s just get something clear, I am not a “hiker” nor do I “trail run” or own things made out of “gortex”. However I was told that I would get to lounge in some hot springs , so I was all up for a nice weekend jaunt into the mountains. Little did I know at the time that my first hot springs experience would consist of eating crackers while soaking my feet in the “hot spring” that existed where my shower and/or a toilet should have been.
After waking up at 2:30  by the call to prayer that basically took place outside of my hostel door, I preceded to brush my teeth outside because our room lacked a sink.  I bid farewell to the “serious hikers” who wanted to leave at 5 am to make it to the top of the mountain, and my new friend Judith and I preceded to go on a leisurely jaunt around town 3 hours later. After jaunting up a sweat, we met my new friend Brandon (who got the runs and therefore missed the serious hike) at the legitimate hot springs. While communing with nature and volcanically heated water was nice, slipping into the cool embrace of the Sheraton’s king sized bed 9 hours later was pure heaven. 

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

One Night Stand With Singapore


I never thought that Singapore and I would spend our first night together wrapped in a nude embrace. However this is what happens when one neglects to pack ANYTHING of use in one’s carry on. I also never thought that I would be feverishly hiding gum in my cheek like I was carrying a contraband crack rock. This is also what happens when one forgets that one is entering a country where gum chewing is illegal. And this fact isn’t remembered until one is zombie-shly gnawing on the stuff in front of a police officer touting an ak-47 at 2 in the morning. Singapore is, however, one of the most eerily beautiful places that I have ever been. Everything is perfectly manicured and clean. Riding through its streets, it’s hard not to think of Disney World, where all the trees have managed to grow to the same height and malls have the audacity to stay open 24 hours a day.

             I have now spent about 2 days in Jakarta and I have one very profound observation. Indonesians, or at least the residents of Jakarta that work in fancy hotels, love R&B slow jams. Specifically Brian McKnight, Boyz 2 Men and Craig David. I know this because the lobby of my new home has experienced an almost constant rotation that makes me want to make babies or at least sip some Alize. I’ve been experiencing Jakarta in snippets and snatches. The early morning notes of the first call to prayer, the smell of sewage (powerfully reminiscent of my time in Chennai) and young kids running around yelling “halloo buleh!” (Hello foreigner!). There's a distinct possibility that I will develop acute asthma before I leave Jakarta on Friday.  Only those who have spent time in the smokestack that is Beijing  can understand the trail by fire that I am now putting my lungs through. Coupled with this fact, today I learned about everything, person, plant and animal in Indonesia that can kill me, or at least bring me to my knees at the foot of the porcelain god.

Next week Bandung.

Friday, August 13, 2010

What do you mean you don't take insurance?


So I’ve been mulling for a while now on what exactly my inaugural post would entail. Because this, as we all know, will not only set the tone for every update to come, but also my future career as a blogger and therefore my get rich quick plan C.
I thought about discussing my alternative version of Dante’s consecutive circles of hell.  I’ve come to realize in my short life time that there are few places on this earth more soul crushing than Detroit’s airport, any DMV anywhere at any time, the post office on 113th between Amsterdam and Columbus and finally the place that all of these locations aspire to be…. The Mobile Department of Health.
The Mobile Department of Health smells like death. It has that acrid musty smell that sticks to most nursing homes. Every time I return I think that this is it, this will be the day that I get useful service with a smile, like at a Chick-Fil-A where everyone is eternally happy to help you. But no, the MDH is the McDonald’s of health establishments
Besides getting vaccinated I thought I would maybe spend my last days doing really American/Southern things like hunting and frying.
Instead I have found myself doing the most American thing of all…buying tons of shit I THINK I need for this trip but that I’ll probably never use.
Extremely ugly hiking sandals-check!
Exercise bands-check!
DEET-check!
In other news it is exactly one week till d-day and I am STILL without a visa and now “anxiety help” is following me on Twitter.

*Special thanks to Nicholas Palmaro for providing me with my brilliant blog title